Hey there!
If you weren't aware, February is American Heart Month. While you've probably seen a good amount on your feeds about things like CPR/AED use and awareness, we want to make sure you also get some insight into sudden cardiac arrest from the co-survivor's perspective. Drawing on her experience, Kristin shares a few small ways emergency responders can protect the emotional health of their patients and their families – as well as their own.
All our best,
The Glaucomfleckens
How To Help Sudden Cardiac Arrest Co-Survivors Feel Heard
Our podcast episode with Lt. Gregg, who responded to Will's SCA
The night Will’s heart stopped, I found myself in a whirlwind of panic and despair. I was all alone, performing 10 minutes of chest compressions with nothing but the steady voice of the 911 dispatcher on the other end of the phone guiding me.
In those darkest moments, the medical professionals working to save Will’s life became beacons of light. Some of them, like paramedic Lt. Gregg or our ICU nurse Roger, understood the depths of my pain. They offered a helping hand, providing the support I so desperately needed. I felt like they saw me as not only a bystander, but also a survivor of this deeply traumatic event.
People like them recognized my suffering and tended to my needs with compassion and care. But amidst that chaos, there were also interactions that seemed cut off from the emotional, messy reality of the situation. Interactions that, while completely well-intentioned, only deepened the hurt I was feeling.
For a very long time, I was angry about these experiences. Sometimes I still am. But as much as they hurt me, I also know that they’re largely the result of the same thing I was experiencing: the deeply human practice of trying to cope with what they’ve witnessed. What they witness regularly.
All of us deserve better. So what can we do?
Especially in emergencies like cardiac arrests, clinicians and first responders face the immense challenge of balancing their focus on the patient with the needs of the co-survivor and family. To do that effectively, they have to manage their own emotions in a way that most of us don’t. This is part of why we see the very real effects of compassion fatigue – a phenomenon that’s not dissimilar to co-survivor and bystander trauma.
Being the guiding light for patients, co-survivors, and families in medical emergencies like a sudden cardiac arrest isn’t easy. But, there are small ways emergency responders and clinicians can create a more compassionate environment that benefits everyone – patients, co-survivors, and themselves.
Lt. Gregg took the time to communicate everything and keep me updated, and I will never forget the compassion with which he treated me.
#1: Acknowledge the emotional weight
It’s a misconception that keeping a critical situation grounded and calm requires emotional disconnection. While medical workers are well-versed in regulating their emotional responses to trauma, co-survivors and bystanders may not have the same experience. But when you validate their emotions, it can actually help de-escalate the panic in the room.
This might sound like:
“I know you’re afraid, and that’s okay. We are doing everything we can to help [loved one’s name]. Can you sit tight while we work on them? We’ll grab you a blanket if you need one.”
In my experience as a co-survivor, simply recognizing and validating the emotions bystanders experience can go a long way in easing our burdens. Asking us to confirm that we’re okay with the plan also helps us feel less powerless in a situation where everything feels so out of control. It also helps clinicians to remain in touch with their own empathy, preventing feelings of detachment and disillusionment.
#2: Slow it down
A sudden cardiac arrest requires quick, decisive action. Time isn’t just of the essence – it’s potentially the deciding factor between survival and death. At the same time, the ability to slow a moment down and re-focus is just as crucial a skill.
For example, it’s important for co-survivors and bystanders to know they’re being heard. They may have a lot of questions that you want to answer, but can’t at the present moment. Here’s how you can address this situation:
“I will answer your questions as soon as I can, but first we need to focus on doing [action] to help [loved one]. Once they’re stable, I will explain everything. Does that sound okay?”
By stating that you’re hearing their questions while calmly verbalizing the necessary order of operations, you’ve made sure the co-survivor knows they’re being heard. You’ve also reiterated your own responsibilities, which can keep you tethered to the moment. It’s rarely easy for emergency medicine workers – but slowing down can be a big help in staying grounded and avoiding overwhelm.
#3: Communicate clearly
Chaos and trauma can make it incredibly hard for co-survivors to digest medical information in the moment and afterwards. Clear explanations in layman’s terms help us understand what’s happening to our loved one, and what steps we might need to take as lay responders or caregivers.
And speaking from experience, written instructions are even better.
Co-survivor brain fog is no joke, and having important information about your loved one’s condition in writing for later reference is much more helpful than trying to keep it all at top of mind.
If you can, follow up with us after the immediate crisis has passed. While your purview as the point of care may end, our healing journey is ongoing. If we’re leaving your care, reaching out down the line or pre-emptively connecting us with resources for continued support are truly a huge help. And while I can’t speak for emergency medicine workers, I can imagine that it’s affirming to know just how much you’ve helped someone in this way.
A photo I took in the aftermath of Will's SCA. You can see how I had dissociated – the light was gone from my eyes.
While I’ll never forget the moments where I felt forgotten in the chaos of my husband’s sudden cardiac arrest, I’ll also never forget the moments of compassion shown to me by emergency responders. You are literally saving lives, and words can’t convey just how much you’re appreciated.
I keep telling my story because I want other co-survivors to experience that same compassion – and for emergency medicine workers to be in a space where they can give it.
These three pieces examine how medical emergencies affect more than the patient and why the person beside them is often overlooked.
➡️ The Quiet Place describes what it feels like to respond in a medical emergency, and the trauma response that can follow for the person who isn't the patient.
➡️ Words to Leave By: Bridges Out of the Quiet Place builds on the first piece and offers a framework for healing, grounded in the tools and supports that aided my own recovery.
➡️ Roger tells the story of how one small, human question from a healthcare professional made an outsized difference.
If you're a healthcare professional, I hope these pieces change how you see the person standing next to the patient. And if you're a co-survivor, I hope this language helps you feel less alone in what you carry.
In Last Month's Issue
In last month's deep dive, Will explores the state of healthcare in America as we begin 2026. And... well, there's a lot. It's admittedly a grim time for anyone who experiences the healthcare system in America, whether you're a patient or a medical professional.
But at the same time, there's a lot of potential for people like us to make a positive impact. In our previous newsletter, Will shares his musings on where American healthcare went in 2025, and how we can fight for better in 2026.
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